A big sex and the evil king of Halloween

Shouts & Murmurs in the current issue of the New Yorker presents alternate views of a few conversations. My favorite bits: (From "A Conversation at the Grownup Table, as Imagined at the Kids’ Table")

DAD: We just saw the PG-13 movie. It was so good. MOM: There was a big sex.

(From "A Day at UNICEF Headquarters, as I Imagined It in Third Grade")

(UNICEF sits on a throne. He is wearing a cape and holding a sceptre. A servant enters, on his knees.) UNICEF: Halloween is fast approaching! Have the third graders been given their little orange boxes? SERVANT: Yes, your majesty! ... UNICEF: Ha ha ha! Those fools! Soon I will have all the money in the world. For I am UNICEF, evil king of Halloween!